Five on Friday: Author and musician Jaime Paul Lamb

I don't think I'm much different from a lot of other serious music enthusiasts — I hate almost everything. Literally 99% of everything I hear is not worth listening to twice in a lifetime. Most of it, not even once. I'm super picky. And, I don't know, but I feel like it wouldn't be impossible for me to say some things here that are not going to win me any new friends.

First thing is: I'm not into skeptical relativism (the opinion that absolute Goodness, Truth, and/or Beauty are either subjective or do not exist at all, rendering them unknowable or unparticipative). Clearly, there are objective criteria by which we judge the Good, the True, and the Beautiful. The same goes for music: We place value judgments on music based on eight core aesthetic dimensions: beauty, expression, novelty, emotion, skill, messaging, stylistic coherence, and sublimity. Personally, I'm not into copouts like "art is subjective" or "beauty is in the eye of the beholder." I like to have a reason to like or not like a tune, or a movie, or a slice of pizza. And I think being able to articulate that position is the nucleus of criticism.

Secondly, there's simply too much to sort through. Especially now that everyone's a musician, or an artist, or a poet, or whatever. And they can create lazy, uninspired garbage in their bedroom and push it online. Not everyone is a musician. Not everyone can or should be a musician. Not everyone has something worth expressing in melody, harmony, and rhythm. Yes, I understand that's not very punk of me — and maybe I sound like a full-on dick — but I don't feel like lying right now. And, I mean, to be perfectly honest, I can't stand that I feel this way. It's not convenient or fun for me. It's embarrassing, actually. I'm only 55, and I already feel like I'm a crotchety old man.

Like, the other day — I'm driving to Tucson with a Freemason buddy of mine. He's about 20-25 years younger than me. He plays me this band he likes (I forget their name), and it takes everything I have not to say, "Yeah, this is a pretty typical Blue Cheer-meets-early Stooges kind of synthesis, in the manner of, say, Thee Hypnotics —except two or three times removed from its source—and definitely an inferior simulacrum." Instead, I said, "This is cool. I can see why you'd like this. If you're into this sort of thing, you might like Blue Cheer." And, for me, that's progress.

Anyway, now that I've shown you my dark, sardonic side, Happy Friday! I'll get on to what I'm supposed to be writing about here.

Below you will find thumbnails for, and commentary on, five tunes that I like, with visual accompaniment. I guess one would properly call them music videos. (Wait! What if they made a cable channel that only showed music videos all day?) These are in a random sequence, not a valued order.

'La Banda del Carro Rojo' by Los Tigres del Norte

La Banda del Carro Rojo (Fama Records), 1976

I love the intro: "Yo no sé cantar," he says. This guy's no soplón. "La Banda del Carro Rojo" is a choice example of an early narcocorrido, or "drug ballad." Gritty, often violent lyrics delivered in the super-listenable norteño style, which sort of repurposes the polkas, waltzes, and mazurkas that were brought to Mexico by the Germans, Poles, and Czechs who migrated there in a few waves during the 20th century. On a personal note, Los Tigres are one of the few bands (along with the Brothers Gibb and Omar Souleyman, who is next on this list) that my wife and I both enjoy. In fact, when they refused to play in Arizona (I believe they were upset about our border policy, but I could be wrong), we literally flew to Texas for one night just to see them. And they were incredible. I mean, it was a blast.

'Asmar Asmar' by Omar Souleyman

Solaiman Solaiman (digital compilation release from self-produced cassette), 2014

The world has Alan Bishop and Hisham Mayet (see: Highway to Hassake, Sublime Frequencies, 2006) to thank for turning us all on to Omar. He's a former wedding singer from the Syria-Turkey border, performing in a modernized Dabke style. The "Asmar Asmar" video is one of the coolest things I've ever seen. His date apparently asks the bandleader if Omar can come up and sing a number, and, on her way back to their table, she flashes Omar what looks like a mortar and pestle signal with her hands, as if to say, "Time to get to work, bitch." Omar is not pleased. I wish I knew Arabic, because I'd love to know what he's saying about her in the intro to the tune that's making her cringe so hard.

'Mou Pei Na' by Sinn Sisamouth (with Ros Serey Sothea)

Cambodian Rocks (compilation, Parallel World Records, PW-3), 1996

Another artist and genre I was turned on to by Sublime Frequencies (see: Radio Phnom Penh, 2005). Sinn Sisamouth and his frequent duet partner, Ros Serey Sothea, were the two biggest representatives of the "Golden Age" of Khmer Pop in the mid-60s. Both disappeared during the reign of Pol Pot's brutal Khmer Rouge (1975-79) communist regime and are presumed dead. With all the promise and talent in that community, we can only wonder how the Phnom Penh music scene would have developed beyond the mid-70s, had not all the "bourgeois artists and intellectuals" been killed for their modern, Westernized leanings… like simply wearing glasses, playing music, or being able to read.

'Pinball Cha Cha' by Yello

Claro Que Si (Ralph Records), 1981

I'm sure you're all familiar with the Swiss electronic music duo, Yello (Dieter Meier and Boris Blank), even if only from the use of their tune "Oh Yeah" on the Ferris Bueller's Day Off (1986) soundtrack. These guys had it all—the sound, the vision, everything. And talk about aesthetics — can you believe this gorgeous video? This is high art, as far as I'm concerned. I remember seeing it as a teenager in the 80s. I think it was on MTV's "120 Minutes." Or, no — wait. It had to have been a Doctor Demento special, because I also had Camper Van Beethoven's "Take the Skinheads Bowling" video (another firme rola) on the same VHS tape, and both tunes were staples on the DD show for a while.

'La Danza del Petrolero' by Los Mirlos

Los Charapas de Oro (Infopesa Records), 1975

Technically, we call this style Cumbia Amazónica Peruana (Cumbia of the Peruvian Amazon). But I think it reads as Chicha, or "Cumbia Psicodélica," to most people nowadays—since there was sort of a Chicha explosion a few years ago (don't feel bad if you missed it). Los Mirlos ("The Blackbirds") are one of the finest specimens of the genre, along with the mighty Juaneco y su Combo. Chicha, by the way, takes its name from an Andean corn beer that was once used ritualistically by the Incas. Traditionally, all the abuelas in the pueblo would get together and make chicha (chicha de muko) by moistening the maize with their saliva. The ptyalin enzymes break down the starches into maltose and — voilà — Pre-Columbian ethanol fermentation. Anyway, it's great music and I think this video is an easy-nice thing to watch.

So, that's all I have. Enjoy. And if there's a selection here that you don't like, maybe it would be a rewarding exercise for you to determine what, precisely, it is about it that you dislike. Leave it in the comments.

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Jaime Paul Lamb is embarrassingly out of touch with modern American culture but tries to comment on it anyway. He thinks he has some people fooled. That's possible. He says he's a musician, a writer, and an astrologer. Decide for yourself: www.jaimepaullamb.com.